Hello friends.

I'm afraid to say that ever since the Chat dissappeared, I've been around on NG less and less. I still pop on by to check out stuff, but I feel that a part of NG I very much enjoyed is still sorely missed. Here's to hoping it may one day come back. Not that my presence here nor there really has any impact on anybody (myself included here), but everything is worth noting at least once, I suppose.

In my own life outside forum posts and internet dwelling, I have undergone some changes. For one, I graduated high school and now have my diploma. It's been noted that for the rest of my life, I never have to be anywhere legally. I could literally fall out of communication with anybody, and drift away into the sunset never to be seen. And if I did, nobody could stop me! That is almost as empowering as it is a tease.

In tandem with that realization, I grow even more aware of the barrier between me and others. I've been feeling stuck, understandably, for some time and only now realize why that is. I am the outsider, the strange, the unusual and the uncomfortable. And all this time, I thought I was merely the outcast, familiar but different. Instead, I am beyond that which can ever be comfortable or sustainable.

I don't know what to do with this knowledge, but it sure doesn't make me feel all that good. It is strange, that it would become apparent to me just as I am on the up and up. For once, things are actually shaping up in my life, and I've got some clear directive. And yet, all I can dream of is tearing it all down and reaching beyond the curtain. Prophetic.

I've been writing more, while simultaneously enduring a major loss of inspiration and drive. I will write in bursts, and otherwise I'll waste away doing nothing while I wait for each passing hour to end. All motivation has ceased save for those climactic episodes. I find myself wishing I was still asleep shortly after waking, and each day is dreary and gray. 

That's all I can think of right now. Moody and miserable, not worth reading really. I'll give a song to make it a little more bearable I suppose. I hope you guys can handle synthpop.