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Recently everything has just been going on around me while I sit around in a perpetual fog. And by recently, I mean the past two months where it's been happening. I know why, and I didn't care. I figured, hey, why not enjoy it while I can? Not often the opportunity to experience all this stuff is just put out there for you, you know? So far, it was going so good. A little dip in emotional stability, and a dip in a lot of other things too. But life picked itself up.
I have a job now. And you'd think, 'He's probably got his life together, he's got all the pieces to make it good.' Well, yes. But it certainly doesn't feel too great, and there's absolutely no reason why. It's neither of the things that bring happiness in my life nor the things I do as a job. It's just me, I guess. As a person, something is up.
Last night I did a bunch of things that I think serve as a final wake up call to get out of the fog. I'm sick of not really knowing what's going on, or not caring. I'm sick of making stupid decisions that I'll only hate myself for greatly later. It's time to pick up the pieces, do some damage control, and see where I am heading.
Some things I'll never be able to get over, and I guess the closest closure I can get is to just forget about them. Put them in the vault, far away, free from prying eyes or my own. Do I have the stomach for it? Given my current situation, it's all I really have left to do I guess. Just gotta suck it up and stick it through until the end.
So as I have started many times before, I guess I'm doing some sort of self betterment now. This time, though, I think it's going to actually click and have a lasting hold on who I am. And I mean that.